Monday, March 16, 2009

Syphilis and homelessness took its toll....

Dear readers.
As you may be aware, misfortune has struck your favourite animal portraiture enthusiast. Not unlike the plagues upon Egypt in the time of Yahweh, Tommy Ross has been defeated in body, mind and spirit. But like our favourite super hero Hezus, I have been resurrected to become a more hardy and enlightened proclaimer of taxidermy truths.

The following images are featured in the latest issue of "Fools Gold Loaf", a mesmerising and inspired fanzine which is available on request.

Prudence. After yet another spellbinding viewing of the smash-hit "Poltergeist", I happened upon a disturbing class portrait of Heather O'Rourke (the elfin protagonist who died whilst filming the sequel "Poltergeist II"). Sheer emotion ruptured my being.

Lorraine (in the indigenous tongue is pronounced Looorrrraaaaiiiiinnnne). A volatile yet charming feline appeared one day at my friends house. She sauntered in seductively, rubbed her vaginae on the carpet, ate some cat food that Beth had purchased days before, then shimmied off into the night. At first we were concerned that she was heavily pregnant. She seemed like an obscenely sexually active creature that didn't play by the rules of society. Later we realised she was just a greedy slut. Hence the glutenous gleam in her STD ridden eyes.

Downie horse. The third. This was an attempt at drawing a fine beast in flight. It failed. Hence the downie status.

A mammot, aka Groundhog, genus: mammorta. A docile land-lover, this little friend appeared to me one arduous day of invoicing with the assistance of a kind co-worker, Tom. He likes to hang out on boulders, mammorta, not Tom.

No comments: